However, after a day in bed I am already at my wits end. Not only because I feel like crap and am bored out of my tree, but also, and this is where I really need your help, it has turned me into a complete girl.

This will come as a shock to precisely no people at all, but I’m not really the girliest of girls. I don’t watch soaps, I don’t coo over babies, I don’t have an innate love of the colour pink and I really hate Pretty Woman -- I mean please, when have you ever seen a hooker look that good and a) she’s not been a ladyboy or b) you’re off your tits on drugs? I mean, come on people!

But alas, this horrid coldy flu thing has meant that today I have both cried because I wanted my mum and found solace in the funny cat videos on YouTube.

It’s a sorry state of affairs, I tell you. I’m not even a cat person. I’m very much in the dog camp when it comes to canines versus felines. A dog will get my vote every single time.

But oh, just look at the adorableness of these two cats chatting to each other…

www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1fAzvvZZ-Q

Aren’t they cute? I want to snuggle in there with them and let them chat away to each other while I listen on contentedly… except for the end bit when they get all kitteh-on-kitteh with each other. That shit’s just awkward for the casual bystander.

I know, I’m as shocked & appalled as you are. I’m deeply ashamed of myself. I’ve gone from an emotionally stable, rational woman to “the crazy cat woman” in about 23 hours.

I don’t want to be this girl. I don’t want to own a brown sofa. And I don’t want to turn into a Michael Bublé/Robbie Williams/Generic Bland Pop Star fan either. Oh god no. Anything but that.

Please, please help me…

This initially made me laugh and cringe in equal measure. But actually, no, I think it’s more cringe… er… hmmm…  definitely more cringe. In fact I’m going to go & sit in the shower for about 3hrs to rid myself of the uncomfortable, slightly grubby feeling I now have.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mWqr8pb2MY

Sorry

1. I don’t have to wash my hair or wear any make-up (though I just saw myself in the mirror and probably should, for my own sanity)
2. I don’t have to wear normal clothes & can slob about in my tracksuit bottoms & a t-shirt with no sense of shame
3. Crappy daytime TV, especially Maury – my parents should be eternally grateful that I was so utterly rubbish at my rebellious phase
4. Snoozing on the couch
5. Having no appetite at all makes me feel really thin
6. Feeling sick stops me smoking
7. Ploughing through my DVD collection. Today: Old School, All About Eve & The IT Crowd
8. Sitting in the garden & enjoying the sunshine… shall get around to that one this afternoon.
9. Snoozing on the couch (I like my sleep)
10. Endless cups of tea (as soon as I get up and buy some milk)

One thing that’s not great about being off work ill for the day:

1. I’m sick. Stupidly, making me feel like I’ve been in a war, nauseatingly, annoying, sick. Bleurgh.

Still, it could be worse. Now, for a little snooze methinks.